I know that so far my blog has been a flash back to my pregnancy with Addisyn. I started there because I figured the background information was important to "my story." Tonight though, I'm tired. Really tired. The kind of tired where I really can't put together a complete thought, much less a blog filled with details from two years ago. I'll probably come back to that...but this blog is also about now.
Today something special happened...
My close friend, Michelle Dameron, gave birth to a baby girl, Brielle Colette. She is a beautiful, healthy baby and i'm so happy for Blake, Michelle and big brother Isaac!
It was special for me too, though....
As I looked at the pictures of Brielle, I actually felt excitement about having another baby. I could remember what it was like to hold a newborn, and to have a baby sleep on my chest. I could remember the smells of newborn baby skin, and the giddiness when that sweet little one really smiles for the first time. I imagined having a baby again... and I was EXCITED to have a baby again.
That's been one of the hardest things. The lack of excitement. Once your hopes of a glowing, easy, fun pregnancy are dashed once it's hard to recover. When I got a plus sign on my pregnancy test this time around, I couldn't even think about a baby (even though that is the point of the entire thing). It was more like "Congratulations, you get to have the worst stomach flu ever for 3-4 entire months!!" I remember telling my mom that I didn't like telling people I was pregnant because everyone was so happy for me.... and I just didn't feel it. Of course, I acted happy and excited because that's what you do. But inside, I was scared. I couldn't believe this was happening again.
Today was a breakthrough though. I was so eager to tell Eric tonight about how the pictures of Brielle had made me excited about the end of this "journey." We are going to have a baby again! And my hubby understood. He knew this was a big deal for me.
So anyways, congratulations Dameron family! Bri is so beautiful. And thank you Jesus for a glimmer of hope and perspective. I needed it.
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I love how real you are!!! I can relate, for different reasons, about not having that "excitement" of telling people you are pregnant and feeling depressed. It's refreshing to know that others have felt that way too and we are still great mom's!
ReplyDeleteThis made me cry and yes, it is a breakthrough for you. I'm excited about another newborn too.
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